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12/04/2002 Archived Entry: "Inappropriate gifts for your Special Someone"

"Special gifts" for that special someone

With Christmas coming soon, you’ve probably been wondering what to get the love of your life. Well, here’s some ideas on what not to get. Of course, if you’re visiting this site, you’ll probably go out and buy it anyway, won’t you, Sparky?

Guys, she never really did appreciate your passion for flatulence. But maybe if she understood the art behind the fart, she’d love you for who you really are. On the other hand, you could just be giving her the best-ever excuse to break up. Either way, check out www.fartmart.com for the best in poot paraphernalia. Nothing beats the classic “Crepitation Contest” cd. Maybe you could throw in some cans of beans, and make up a snazzy little gift basket. Be sure to include a card, and let her know you want to “Make beautiful music together.”

Perhaps you really want to send a message with your gift…there’s something you’ve been meaning to say for a long time, but just haven’t found the words—or the guts—to say it. Well, the folks at mayisuggest.com would be happy to help. Does he have unbearable breath? Let him know you care:

In this case what we do is write them a simple but sincere letter letting them know the dangers of not brushing their teeth at least once a day. We will politely let them know about the bothersome smell that comes from their mouth.

ALONG with the letter will be a tube of quality toothpaste and a very nice toothbrush.

Of course, this site offers you a gift as well…the gift of confidentiality. If you want to let your honey know it was all your idea, that’s up to you. If so, perhaps the two of you could benefit from a trip to a far-away place afterwards. Him to Tahiti, you to an undisclosed location somewhere across the globe.

If the above ideas leave you cold, maybe you’re the type to warm up in front of a blazing fire of stupidity. And none burns brighter than that old favorite, www.stupid.com.
Are you convinced that the one thing missing in her life is Mr. T soap on a rope?
http://www.stupid.com/
I pity da foo who’s not getting clean T-style.
Want to write him a little love note, but don't want anyone else to know? That's not a problem if he eats your words, literally. Which is possible with edible ink and paper. Maybe it doesn't taste too good, but that's a small price to pay for your privacy. Just tell him it's good with ketchup.
http://www.stupid.com

Happy shopping. And if you take that seriously, I'm glad your Sweet Baboo doesn't know my phone number.